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共有0篇贴子 页次1/02009-07-22 16:36:041 简介:HOSTAGE(英文完结)作者:Xanthe TXTHOSTAGE
BY XANTHE
What is the first thing you should do upon being released from a psychiatric ward after being held in restraints and menaced by monsters? I don't know. Here's the first thing I do, though. I dismiss Scully with a curt "I'll see you tomorrow," and I go out cruising.
It never takes me long to find what I'm looking for, because all that I'm looking for is willing flesh. Tonight is no different. I find it, and convince it to let me take it to a motel room to fuck it stupid. I'm so incoherent that he probably thinks I'm drunk. I don't do anything to dissuade him from that thought. The drunker he thinks I am the better. It'll make what comes next easier to accept - maybe. My kind of loving isn't all that gentle at the best of times - at least when it comes to men. I wouldn't - couldn't - hurt a woman, but men…they're different. They're the dark side of me, and I hate that side of myself, and I hate them for provoking it.
This one reminds me of another body, with dark hair, green eyes, and a pretty face…Alex Krycek, the prettiest lay I've ever had. I never liked Alex, but the passion was so hot that the steam almost came out of our goddamn ears. I was never gentle with him, even back at the start when I halfway loved him. He knew just how to press all the right buttons in order to make me come at him with my fists. He knew where it would inevitably end up. We never talked; we just got on with it. Whenever I run into the bastard now, it starts all over again. My fists itch to plant themselves in his face, in his flesh. It's all I can do to express the desire, because I won't fuck him now. I can't. He betrayed me. He gutted me like a fish, took my insides out, and left them hanging there. To think I mistook what we had for love. I'm a fool.
Thinking of Alex just makes my mood uglier, even worse than usual. When I get like this, I'm not kind, and I make no pretense of it. I don't have time for all that phony friendliness shit tonight, not after what I've been through. My urgency, and need for violent release are easy to see, even in the dim light of this low life bar we're in, so don't feel sorry for my pick up. He's no victim du jour. He's a big guy, and just like Alex, he could hand it out as easily as he could take it if he wanted to. I pick them that way on purpose. If I get any inkling that a man doesn't want what I have to offer, I stop right then and there. I'm no kind of monster. I have an instinct about picking the "right" guys.
Needless to say, tonight's Mr. Right pays the price for the dubious pleasure of a night of passion with Fox William Mulder. I give him a session of kicking, scratching, biting, and bruising lovemaking that leaves him looking like he's gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. As for me, I look like shit as usual. One of these days maybe I'll pick one up who'll turn the tables, and end up killing me. I don't give a damn about that. It's one way of dying.
I slip out of the bed in the early hours, when the fury inside me abates, and fade back into the darkness. I never told him my name. I never do. I pay for the room though - he deserves that much.
I take a shower to wash the scent of sex from my body, and examine the wounds: scratches, bites, and bruises. Our angry passion has taken its toll, but the release was so good. I needed it. I've had a goddamn hard-on since my boss wrestled me onto a desk a few days ago. How the hell should he know that's my idea of foreplay? Then, just when he got me aroused, he consigned me to limbo - tied to a bed in a psych ward, at the mercy of monsters. I wasn't even able to get rid of the damning evidence by jerking off because of those restraints. It's no wonder that I needed a frigging release. It's no wonder that I took it out on the first man who'd let me.
I re-work the scenario in Pincus's office in my head as I stand in the shower, only this time it ends the way I want it to. Skinner pushes me down; I slap him with all my force. He bites my neck, my shoulder, while I run my fingernails down that broad back, until the blood flows. He pulls me up, hits me, hard, and I riposte with a kiss that makes his lips bleed. Then I fuck him, or he fucks me, because I don't care which, and I walk out and never see him again. Only I can't do the last part, because I work with him. I made that mistake once before. One night stands are much better.
I jerk myself off to this fantasy, with the water and tears running down my cheeks at the same time. I just wish I didn't like him. I don't want to like him. I wish he wouldn't do the stuff he does - selling himself to Cancerman to find a cure for Scully, saving my butt on more than one occasion, proving he cares in these little ways that tug at me, and make me resent him for it.
I get into work late. Fuck it. I figure they owe me. Scully had to go into the lion's den by herself. I'm not sure what she told him, and I don't really care. I just know that I don't want to see him right now. If I close my eyes, I can remember how it felt to have him hold me, and my arm jerks involuntarily, throwing the punch, starting the fight/foreplay. I've been here before, after that time in the hallway, when I was out of my head on drugs. They made me lose my inhibitions. Luckily for me, he didn't understand that it was foreplay for me that time either. The anger and the sex are irretrievably combined for me. I couldn't separate the two out if I tried. It's easier by far not to have sex at all. That's the way I usually deal with it. As for the anger - ah, well, I'm not so good at dealing with that. It spills out all the time, in little ways, gets me into trouble. I can't help myself.大小:34.0 KB 今日下载:324 次 发布用户:admin共有0篇贴子 页次1/0最近更新推荐[外语教材]
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